The last few months I’ve been struggling. A lot. I’ve been doing ECT twice a week. I’ve been living with my mom, and I haven’t been able to do life skills – like laundry, cooking, cleaning, etc.
This week I am definitely still struggling, but I am pushing myself to do some things. I didn’t realize how hard it would be, but I also didn’t realize how good it would feel.
The part that was the hardest was giving my mom a break from me. I didn’t understand. I like to be with my mom all the time, but my counselor, my best friend, and other supports all said she needed a break. I needed to go out to lunch with a friend and leave her at home to have a break. I was terrified. How could I do this??! But I did! And it was fun!
I went out to eat with one of my BCBA friends and we had a blast. We visited for 2 and a half hours, and we scheduled another lunch in two weeks.
I find myself wondering if I will ever will feel good again. If I will ever live at my house again or if I should just sell it. My supports say I will, but I just can’t even imagine it. Everything feels too hard.
Don’t get me wrong, I feel better. For a long time all I was able to do was lie in bed and watch TV and I’m starting to do some things, but it just seems way too hard.
So if you can, please keep me in your hopes and prayers. Maybe everything we’re doing will work. Maybe it will get better. I hope so.
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