"It's not that easy bein' green"

“It’s not that easy bein’ green…”

It’s so true.  It’s hard to be different.

The ketamine has helped me soooo much and I am feeling better than I have in months, but Saturday was a really bad day.  I was super anxious and pretty much cried all day.

I talked to my doctor about it today because I was worried, I was doing something wrong or that the Ketamine wasn’t working as well anymore or who knows what.  But he told me…everybody has bad days.  You’re going to have bad days, that’s just life.  Your bad days are just going to be worse than other people’s bad days because you have bipolar.  We can’t cure it; we can just make it better.

It was relieving and crushing at the same time.

Sometimes I just want to be like everyone else.  I want my bad days to be I can’t get out of my pajamas, and I eat a tub of ice cream.  Not that I can’t cope at all.  That I need extra support.

But if you listen to the song, Kermit reminds you that there are a lot of great things about being green.

“Greens the color of spring and green can be cool and friendly like…”

There are some pretty great things about being me, too.

I can’t work full time, but I’m getting lots of opportunities to do part time jobs that make a huge impact on the world…well at least the state.

I cry…a lot…but I can show my niece and nephews, and many other people, that it’s okay to experience emotions and just be who you are.

I’ve been having to live with my mom, but I am getting to the point that one day soon I’ll be able to live in my own house, and I will appreciate it more than most people can imagine.

And despite the fact that I am different, I am so so loved.  It amazes me how much I am loved.

And I experience love in such an intense way.  I meet you once and I’m ready to add you to my Christmas card list.  My heart is so big it feels like it’s going to explode sometimes.

So Bipolar isn’t ideal.  I wouldn’t wish it on even my worst enemy.  But it’s me, and that’s okay.

“I’m green, and it will be fine.  It’s beautiful, and I think it’s what I’m s’posed to be”.