Purpose

A purpose.  That’s what I need.

Ketamine has been helping so much.  I had a terrible reaction to my immunoglobin and have felt sick all week, so my mood hasn’t been the best, but I am doing so many more Activities of Daily Living!  I shower, brush my hair, brush my teeth, change my clothes, clean up my area, vacuum, and more.  I haven’t been able to do these things regularly in at least 8 months, it’s absolutely amazing.  But something has still been missing.

I did lots of things that gave me joy, like they told me to.  I played the piano several times a day.  I drew.  I did crafts.  I worked out.  I did crosswords.  But it just hasn’t been quite enough, and I realized it’s because I need a purpose.  A reason to get up in the morning.  A reason to keep doing Ketamine even though it’s SO early in the morning.

Well, a couple of years ago, the recreational therapist at one of my hospital stays asked me if I would write a book.  A book of Dialectical Behavior Therapy skills, but for people with Intellectual Disabilities and/or Autism.  I’m so qualified because I’ve done DBT as a patient for YEARS and I’m a former special education teacher and Board Certified Behavior Analyst.  And so, this week, I finally started it.

I’ve only got a few pages done, but it feels great, and I really love how it’s turning out.  I don’t know if I’ll ever finish it, or if it will be helpful to the therapists that work with these populations, or even how I would get them in the hands of the therapists, but I’m going to try.  It feels so good to have a purpose again.

SO, if you are on disability like me, and feel like you’re just going through the motions, I challenge you to find a purpose.  A reason to get up in the morning.  I promise it will feel really good!