It's been a looooong time since I wrote a blog post, but I'm back and I'm ready. It took a lot of work to publish and share the book, so I just ran out of time. Then, everything went down hill.
For some reason, I thought that once I had come home from the long-term facility I had enough coping skills that I would never have a down turn again. Boy was I wrong.
Bipolar is up and down, and for the last few months it has been down. It has been so down that nothing was working, and I am back to ECT. If you don't know what ECT is, it stands for electro convulsive therapy, and it means that the anesthesiologist puts you to sleep and they shock your brain. I had promised myself I would never do it again, because it caused me to lose a lot of memory, but we didn't have a choice, and, thankfully, it hasn't stolen my memory to the same extent as last time.
I'm not able to live alone at my house, I'm not able to drive, and I cry A LOT. I'm trying so hard, but it is just all more difficult than I would imagine.
Mental illnesses are up and down. If you have a mental illness and you can't understand why one day you're publishing an amazing book and the next you're living with your mom and are very dependent, just know that you are not alone. I am with you, and I understand. AND, I know that it won't last forever. I won't sell my house, because at some point I will get back to independent life, and I will love it. And you will, too.
Keep fighting.
Love, Liz
You are so brave for being candid about a topic that society still stigmatizes. I believe your experiences and perseverance inspires others to carry on. No matter how much you struggle, you find a way to carry on. You find a way to fight. You may have some bad days or weeks but you somehow always climb back to the top. Keep up the good fight my friend!